I cried in front of my daughter yesterday.

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When I was pregnant, I swore I’d be the mom that never shed a tear in front of her kids.

Who the heck did I think I was fooling?
I’m an emotional wreck. It’s who I am.
I cry when I’m happy, sad, excited, confused, overwhelmed, the list goes on…. And I’ve always been this way.

But as I prepared for motherhood, I naturally thought of all the things I thought I needed to change. What I didn’t realize then, was that my emotions (and my ways of expression) weren’t one of them.

I was always told growing up that I was too emotional. That I shouldn’t cry so often, and even that it was ugly for girls to cry.

This couldn’t have been more untrue.

Yes, I am emotional, and yes, there have been times when it wasn’t appropriate, but recognizing those moments comes with experience, not ridicule or self-shame.

I want my daughter to grow up to be comfortable with herself, and I can’t expect that from her if I first am not comfortable with my own self.

And so yesterday, one of the worst days I’ve experienced in many years, I didn’t pretend to be someone or something else.
I cried.
I cried the way I do naturally, loud and ugly.

And when I was finished, I explained to her that I was sad and that I needed to cry,
and that was okay.

To all the other moms out there trying to not cry in front of their kids, remember that it’s okay. You’re human, and you’re allowed to cry. It’s natural. It’s part of being human. You’re doing great, and your child will still love you with red eyes and smeared mascara.

-Ri

 

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